November 30th 2016 – Mom fell in her bedroom and she could not stand up. She crawled to the phone which was in the living room. She called me.
December 2nd, 2016 – I received the call that Mom was assigned a bed in a nursing home.
December 5, 2016 – I moved my Mom into the nursing home.
August 22nd, 2017 – My Mom passed away.
Did I make the right choice based on the knowledge I had at the time. Yes. Logically, I accept that.
But that means nothing to me. My Mom put her life in my hands. I let her down. I messed up in a way that is so unforgivable.
I have never experienced regret. And trust me I have done a lot of bad things. But hell, I have learned from all of it and I am grateful for those experiences.
I now live with regret, what ifs, and guilt. That is where I am.
I have no issues looking into the mirror. I know whose reflection stares back at me. I never look away, and never will.
I am not a shell of who I once was. But I can share that who I was, is no longer. I am forever changed. What was once normal is gone.
Tomorrow – Finding a new normal…